ACT 2: This time I as I and not as we.

Morris and I decided to break up.  This came as a surprise to a lot of people, but I think for those who know both of us well would know that we just are not meant to be together.  He is a great guy and I have nothing bad to say.  At least not in a public forum because I'm a classy bitch (:  Really, he is a good person and I wish him the best but we have parted ways.

Cue sad, but hopeful break up video.

There are only a couple people who really know how difficult these past few weeks have been for me.  My parents, sisters, and a couple close friends.  I made some rash, emotional decisions, some mistakes.  I felt like I was just floating...no, not floating, that sounds too peaceful, what I was doing was probably more like falling, clinging to anything I could grasp on to.   It was really hard to pick my ass up out of the slump I had found myself in.  I was so lonely and uncertain. I had a new job, a new apartment, and new single status. Literally, everything in my life here had changed. It made me start to question why I was here and if this was the right place for me.  I had to figure out pretty quick  how to get out of bed when all I felt like doing was crying and sleeping. It's amazing what you can do when you have no other choice.  I didn't want to go back to Arizona.  I miss my family terribly, often, overwhelmingly.  But I love New York.  It feels so good to be here, so alive, like the center of the world.  Mostly, I didn't want to give up; I feel like the city has more for me and I know I have have more for the city.
This experience has been a lot of things for me: challenging, exciting, depressing, awful, scary, empowering, exhausting...but mostly, eye-opening. I have realized so much about myself and what I can endure; I have learned who I can count on, and that I am a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.  My confidence has grown about ten-fold since I have moved here, a good chunk of that coming from these last couple weeks. I've been on the bottom and I picked myself up, I've overcome.  Now next time I feel like that, I will know that it's temporary, and I will overcome again. 

Two people in particular who I worked with at my last job, gave me so much support.  Before, I really thought all I had here was Morris, but they were so good to me when I needed it most and I am beyond grateful for their friendship. They were the only people who knew all the details and they would both text me to find out how I was doing, made me eat when they noticed I was getting too thin, invited me out of the house, bought my drinks and my guacamole and told me when I get a job I can pay them back.  Emily and Emanuel, this weekend I get you back!

Things are okay again.  They are good.  And they will keep getting better.  I love my apartment and the neighborhood I live in, I just started a new job serving at a really awesome restaurant in Manhattan with some cool people who I hope to become friends with. I am all about the positive thinking lately and about sending out good vibes.  I feel like being a good, sincere person in this city is a rare thing, so people notice, and it has gotten me some great opportunities and friendships.  I'm going to keep being me and keep figuring out who exactly "Me" is.  (: