Some people asked me what happened when I told them I moved back to AZ, like there was a disaster that pushed me away, others said they were sorry NYC didn't work out for me. I think it is so strange because NYC did work out for me. I moved there a year and a half ago because I had lived in AZ my whole life. I had never experienced a different way of living, a different world, different people. I learned so much about myself by moving away and being truly on my own for the very first time. I learned how strong I am, I learned how to pick myself up from my lowest lows and how to get my head back in the game. I learned how to be alone and love it. I learned about people; that there are some who will lie and cheat and hurt any chance they get, and then there are people who will love you, accept you, and lift you up any chance they get. I am so lucky to have met more of the latter and they made my experience amazing.
New York was kind of a random, spur of the moment, decision for me. I visited on my way to Europe with Julie in the Summer of 2011 and loved the energy. I was in a bad place emotionally and personally in AZ and I wanted a change. I never had a big dream of going to NYC and I never planned on being there forever. I got exactly what I wanted out of the experience. I grew and I explored and I had a shit ton of fun. I learned what I am made of, I got a thicker skin (probably not by NY standards), and I made connections that I know will last me a lifetime. New York helped me find myself. As I sit here today I can tell you that I have never felt more "me" in my entire life.
I struggled with not knowing my purpose there and when I no longer felt myself moving forward I knew it was time to move on. I always said that I think the only way I would ever know if NYC was really for me was if I left it. I don't know if I will be back someday, but I do know that if I go back it will be with goals and a career and a sureness that I was missing this time.
New York is magic. There is no better way to describe it. I am going to miss the diversity, the chance to meet people from all over the world. I am going to miss my friends, who supported me in everything I did. It is so fulfilling to have developed relationships with people who were strangers not that long ago; to make friends because we had things in common, we experienced life together, and we loved each other, not just because we lived close and went to high school together. I am going to miss the subways and walking downstairs to get food. I am going to miss the energy, the liberal open-mindedness, the way that there is a New York for everyone. There are so many layers to that city, so many ways to fit in and find yourself. So many ways to witness and be part of humanity. It was an amazing, beautiful time in my life. And even with all the debt, and the tears, and the heartache, there is no way I will ever regret this journey.
Thank you to every single person who helped me along the way. To the friends I ran around the city with last summer until 4am. To the ones who let me cry. To the ones who cared and helped with open arms. To the ones who know my secrets. To the ones who showed me the speakeasys and the secrets of the city. Thank you to the ones who made me laugh while I was setting up fucking brunch, who gave me hugs and love and memories. Thank you for the fun, the food, the drinks, the advice, the experience. Thank you to New York City. My second home.
